The Near-Death and Resuscitation of My Messy Muse

It would be safe to say that I've always been  just a little on the silly-side~ even when I was just a few months old!

I've always been had this still small voice inside that whispered,
"Go..."
"Be..."
"Do..."
"Write..."
"Paint..."
"Share..."
"Inspire..."
My first work as a published author appeared in the local newspaper when I was 11 

(my dad cut my bangs, can't cha tell?) *wink*wink*

But then teachers got ahold of my creative muse. Teachers wrote all over my writing with red pens and capital letters (that was before social media deemed that all caps=*YELLING!*)

They beat my muse up. Bad... 

So bad that I buried it in a dark drawer for a long, long time and refused to take it out.

I entered my first year of college, straight out of high school. College instructors were even more brutal. So, I, in my infinite wisdom of 18 vested years in life decided that there was only one thing to do... Quit.College. 

For you see, more than I wanted to pursue a degree, I seriously wanted to pursue a husband!

And God answered my prayer!

So Steve and I got married and we lived happily ever after! Well... kinda. Our happily ever after had an uninvited villian called infertility. We spent the next 7 years praying, pleading, begging God to bless us with a baby. I filled buckets of tears, pouring my heart out to God out in journals. I spilled my tears through words as I struggled with the pain of infertility and the longing to become a mommy. Year after year, I prayed... and cried... and I wrote from the depths of my broken heart... 

and I cried some more.

Those journals contained my most intimate private memoirs... sacred places... where I allowed my brokenness to spill out amidst the hope that somehow, God would work a miracle in our lives and bring us a baby. Like Abraham and Sarah in Genesis, we pleaded with every thread of our being for God to bless us with just one child-- and for 7 years God.Said.Wait...
In one of my journal posts, I promised God with every thread of my being that if He would just bless us with one child, I would never beg for another one. All my heart ever longed for was just.one.child... 

And on June 13, 1993 at 5:43am, 

God answered our prayers!

God's Gift to us ~ Kaleb Elliott Shaw
July 13, 1996

Because of this Miracle from God in our lives, we had many opportunities to share our story of parenthood & God's faithfulness, thanks to some wonderful & intuitive newspaper men.

Rick Myers, Glenn Hascall, and Brad Staman. These 3 men who had no inkling that they weren't just inviting us to share our family stories... they were able to use their writing talents to tell our stories in a way that undeniably changed the course of my life.

I was first introduced to one of my writing & photography mentor/cornerstones in my life when he came to our home to write an Easter story about our struggle with infertility and the miracles that came from those seven years of hearts yearning for a baby... 

His name was Rick Myers, a gifted photographer talented journalist who today I am blessed to say that I treasure as a friend and mentor! 

(Little did I know that a few years later, Rick would come alongside me and encourage me as when I stepped into being a weekly columnist & self-proclaimed understudy photojournalist in the secular newspaper. I'll share about Rick's influence tomorrow!)

This is, without a shadow of a doubt,  my single-most FAVORITE picture EVER of Steve and Kaleb,
taken by my mentor & friend, Rick Myers!

Not only did God allow the most precious little boy on earth to be born into our lives, he allowed me to begin writing again, just for myself, but for the first time in my life... I was able to blend my words with great joyfulness. I wrote about the trials and jubilation of motherhood. 

Fast forward four years...

While I was a stay at home mom, I had the honor of being invited by Glenn Hascall at KCMI to consider submitting some of my writing to their publication called CrossTimes. This regional Christian newspaper was Christian publication of Christian Media Incorporated's Publishing branch. Nearly 3,000 issues per month went out to churches and business in the Western Nebraska and Eastern Wyoming region. 

See Mommy was my fist submission and consequently, my first published work since my 11 year old essay. 
Shortly after that came, 

                     I Didn't Make the Bed Today

Because of Glenn's faith in me, and the grace that he extended to me, that allowed me to simply write... whatever was on my heart ~ my left-for-dead Muse was slowly resuscitated back to life!

Fresh new life was breathed back into my Messy beat-up Muse and Glenn asked me one day if I would pray about and consider being monthly column for CrossTimes. Out of that conversation came 

(...to be continued... tomorrow!)

*I invite you to come back to MyMessyMuse tomorrow, to read how Glenn's faith in me and belief in my writer's heart influence the next "steps" of my journey through life with My Messy Muse*